Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
