My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
