How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
