If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
