Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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