Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
