At least make sure they are 18
Why
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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