saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
