I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
