It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
