i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
