hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
