i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
