I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
