i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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