It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
