I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
