just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
