I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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