I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
