She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
