Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
