thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
