mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
