i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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