FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
