T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
