it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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