I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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