worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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