are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
