Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
