I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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