I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
