Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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