Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
