dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
