Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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