I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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