Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
