The maid of honor just puked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
