I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
