i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
