It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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