Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
