So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
