Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
