I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
