i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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