So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Its about making memories worth repressing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm passing your future prison.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
