there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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