the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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