Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
