I puked a lego.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's never too late to be topless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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