I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
