You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
